Today I had a realization. My life.Yes that seems like an odd realization but as the old saying goes "Life is bigger than you and me."

I went to a session about the Peace Corps today. I have learned a lot in the last 5 years about life and what I want someday, but I have never truly looked at my life past August 2012. Yes, I have applied to a few volunteer organizations and yes I do one day want to get married... but what if that isn't the life expected of me? I am at a point in my life where fate and God truly become apparent in my decisions. I sat there listening to the man talking about the Peace Corps and thought to my self, "this is no longer a dream, but very much a reality." And now I am faced with the classic question that everyone reaches sooner or later, "do I follow my dreams?"

Many don't even have this choice. Fate has a funny way of deciding it for us sometimes. Some peoples lives are determined by a love, a child, physical handicaps, lack of a skill set, or just the fact that life takes hold and dreams seem too far away.. For me, I have been given a gift, a choice, to decide my future and what I want to do with my life. I don't have a love, a baby, a job after graduation, or anything holding me back.

It's easy to say "if I could go back and do it all over again I would have definitely followed my dreams" but what if you were truly given that opportunity, would you give up the life God gifted you for a chance to follow your dreams?

I was talking with my sister the other day about how easy it would be to find a good paying job (~$50,000), get an apartment, train for triathlons, drink, be marry, and settle in for the hopes that one day I meet someone to share the rest of my life with. Most would love to have that opportunity... I know I would. That's why following your dreams can seem so difficult, because there is so much uncertainty.

Why would my dreams take me out of Iowa? The simplest answer (though a long one) is the fact that the world  is filled with inequality and I can't sit back and just watch. Do you ever stress over problems of the world-- Why are people so greedy? Why do people step on others? How can someone rule a government in the luxuries of a multi-million dollar home, and yet have their people dying daily of starvation?-- I do. Sometimes the poor just need someone to stand up for them and help them, selflessly. Not with alternative motives, but with the love in their hearts that they are doing the right thing for another soul.

I am so lost right now all I can do is pray about it. Uncertainty is the thing I hate most in life, and yet it is the thing I cherish the most. I am organized and try to always be one step ahead and uncertainty states this is not possible. But without uncertainty, random acts of awesomeness would not occur and life would not be as dynamic, for this I love it.

No matter what is ahead of me though, one thing I am sure of: Uncertainty. And that scares me.

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In short,
One of the bigger role models of my life has been a pastor that I have become to know as a good friend over the last 5 years. Fr. Ev was diagnosed with pancreatic cancer in April of 2011 and was given only a few months to live. It has been nearly 11 months since diagnosis and God has kept Fr. Ev with us. Fr. Ev has inspired me in many ways and I will never forget what he has taught me about God and life in general. The video below is of a project that I have been continually working on for the last 10 months. If anyone would like to add to this project, just email me the photos!

Today is a new day

Today marks the day that I will be "98% off the grid"... or at least that's what I'm calling it. A few months back I had the unfortunate event of breaking my smart phone....again. Knowing that I am a poor college student I decided it was time to cut the cord, I went back to the Razr. Surprisingly it wasn't that bad. This has given me the "courage" to go another 48% and deactivate Facebook.

Yes it currently is only for Lent, but I think it will be a really good thing for me to reach out and start to become more social on a more personal basis. I think that our society today is starting to loose that personal connection and human interaction. I know that I have seen this happen in my own life (I realized this by asking a girl out via text message). Nonetheless 40 days away from the time consuming Facebook along with a simple phone should really give me time to focus on whats more important, Christ. 

We will see. We will see.

Go out and get what you're worth

Let me tell you something you already know. The world ain't all sunshine and rainbows. It's a very mean and nasty place and I don't care how tough you are it will beat you to your knees and keep you there permanently if you let it. You, me, or nobody is gonna hit as hard as life. But it ain't about how hard ya hit. It's about how hard you can get it and keep moving forward. How much you can take and keep moving forward. That's how winning is done! Now if you know what you're worth then go out and get what you're worth. But ya gotta be willing to take the hits, and not pointing fingers saying you ain't where you wanna be because of him, or her, or anybody! Cowards do that and that ain't you! You're better than that! ... But until you start believing in yourself, ya ain't gonna have a life.
 -Rocky