Monday, February 27, 2012

Today I had a realization. My life.Yes that seems like an odd realization but as the old saying goes "Life is bigger than you and me."

I went to a session about the Peace Corps today. I have learned a lot in the last 5 years about life and what I want someday, but I have never truly looked at my life past August 2012. Yes, I have applied to a few volunteer organizations and yes I do one day want to get married... but what if that isn't the life expected of me? I am at a point in my life where fate and God truly become apparent in my decisions. I sat there listening to the man talking about the Peace Corps and thought to my self, "this is no longer a dream, but very much a reality." And now I am faced with the classic question that everyone reaches sooner or later, "do I follow my dreams?"

Many don't even have this choice. Fate has a funny way of deciding it for us sometimes. Some peoples lives are determined by a love, a child, physical handicaps, lack of a skill set, or just the fact that life takes hold and dreams seem too far away.. For me, I have been given a gift, a choice, to decide my future and what I want to do with my life. I don't have a love, a baby, a job after graduation, or anything holding me back.

It's easy to say "if I could go back and do it all over again I would have definitely followed my dreams" but what if you were truly given that opportunity, would you give up the life God gifted you for a chance to follow your dreams?

I was talking with my sister the other day about how easy it would be to find a good paying job (~$50,000), get an apartment, train for triathlons, drink, be marry, and settle in for the hopes that one day I meet someone to share the rest of my life with. Most would love to have that opportunity... I know I would. That's why following your dreams can seem so difficult, because there is so much uncertainty.

Why would my dreams take me out of Iowa? The simplest answer (though a long one) is the fact that the world  is filled with inequality and I can't sit back and just watch. Do you ever stress over problems of the world-- Why are people so greedy? Why do people step on others? How can someone rule a government in the luxuries of a multi-million dollar home, and yet have their people dying daily of starvation?-- I do. Sometimes the poor just need someone to stand up for them and help them, selflessly. Not with alternative motives, but with the love in their hearts that they are doing the right thing for another soul.

I am so lost right now all I can do is pray about it. Uncertainty is the thing I hate most in life, and yet it is the thing I cherish the most. I am organized and try to always be one step ahead and uncertainty states this is not possible. But without uncertainty, random acts of awesomeness would not occur and life would not be as dynamic, for this I love it.

No matter what is ahead of me though, one thing I am sure of: Uncertainty. And that scares me.


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