In highest honors

Highest honors. This is something I do not have. I do not have a high GPA, I'm not in the honors program, I have no special awards, I do not have skills that are imperative to society, I haven't been nationally or even locally recognized for something I have done. Heck, I sometimes I wonder if any of that is even possible for some as average as I am. The world is a mean and messed up place and will beat you to your knees if you let it. But ONLY if you let it.

I am graduating in 2 weeks from the college of engineer at Iowa State University. In my small little world this doesn't seem like much, I mean, what do I have to offer that others don't? But taking perspective to a broader sense, I have potential. I may not have any honors coming out of college, but college has given me something by far more valuable, the ability to learn. To assess the situation and decide what is the optimal solution for the problem? Or at the very least, what is the best solution with the smallest amount of recoil.

A week ago I joined a special group of people, the Order of the Engineer. This is a society that members are to follow a code of conduct, to do what is right for society and humanity first, and what is good for the company second. This really made me think, I am entering into a field that truly creates the dynamics of our society. If I want to succeed and achieve my dreams, many ethical questions will be raised and I will have to make critical decisions, ones that will affect the lives of many.

I am ready, not to make a difference, but rather I am ready to learn to make a difference. When leaving college we may not be ready to truly change society, but one day we will be, and when we get to that point, will you be ready? One day, when you are faced with one of these choices, honors will mean nothing, rather your moral code that you yourself follow. Never forget that.

Obligation

I am an Engineer. In my profession I take deep pride. To it, I owe solemn obligations.

Since the Stone Age, human progress has been spurred by the engineering genius. Engineers have made usable nature’s vast resources of material and energy for Humanity’s [Mankind’s] benefit. Engineers have vitalized and turned to practical use the principles of science and the means of technology. Were it not for this heritage of accumulated experience, my efforts would be feeble.

As an Engineer, I pledge to practice integrity and fair dealing, tolerance and respect, and to uphold devotion to the standards and the dignity of my profession, conscious always that my skill carries with it the obligation to serve humanity by making the best use of Earth’s precious wealth.

As an Engineer, [in humility and with the need for Divine guidance,] I shall participate in none but honest enterprises. When needed, my skill and knowledge shall be given without reservation for the public good. In the performance of duty and in fidelity to my profession, I shall give the utmost.

Where will life take you?

The question is simple, the answer is probably one of the most complex answers of humanity. Follow your dreams, conform to society, start a family, be an individual, make a difference, make enough to do what you love,  volunteer, give everything up, get your head out of the clouds and get a job, do what you want, do what you need, do what you family needs, don't get tied down, follow God and become a religious.

Surprisingly, I have heard all of these things at one point or another in my life. Most of the time in our lives upcoming choices are predetermined by choices we have made in the past such as having a family, choosing a very specific career, lifestyle, or even debt. When you need money your upcoming choices focus on getting a job, any job to allow you to live. When you have a family you have an obligation to support them and drastic life changes can be difficult. Having a very specific career can limit the jobs available to you and deprive you of opportunities in other areas.

For me, and a lot of graduating college students (if they choose to look outside the box) have a special opportunity in life, an educated beginning. Upon graduating if you have relatively low debt, are single with no kids, and have a willingness to try new things you have been given a great opportunity in life, something that I think should not be passed up. Realistically, if you played your cards right the only debt you have is low interest college loans which can be paid back over small intervals.

There is a snag though, one of which I have hit and never thought about in my 5 years of college: What if the world doesn't think you are ready for your goals and dreams? Interesting thought.

I currently am at a crossroads in my life. I see my friends getting married or starting their careers and yet I cannot see past 3 months in front of me. Plan for life as much as you want and even with an open mind, it will still probably change on you more than you expected.

"The sky is the limit." True, but you have to have a plane to get there and college only teaches you how to build it, you still have to actually build it --and fund it. I suppose I better get to work and not loose site of my dreams.

Is being open minded bad?

Is being open minded bad? I have started to wonder that over the last few months. All though college I was told to make yourself diverse. Learn a little about every subject so that you can be knowledgeable when you go out into the computer world. This gives you an upper hand because you are open to change and don't corner your career into a market too small. But is this a really good way of thinking about it?

In recent months though I have decided no, being specialized is by far a better route. Anywhere you look (at least in my case) companies, nonprofits, NGOs, volunteers agencies all are looking for specific skills and don't want you learning on the job. What does this mean? It means you need either higher education (masters or PhD) or 3+ years of experience in that specific field. It makes me look back on my college career and wonder if it was all a waste. Yes... I know.. It wasn't a waste. After 5 years in college I have learned so much, but just wonder if I should have had better priorities.

Maybe I'm just expecting too much out of college. Nevertheless, I will continue searching and hope and pray that I find what I am supposed to be doing next year.

Appalachia 2012 Service Trip

Appalachia. An area that began a journey that would slowly unfold into what I consider my life. Last week was my last (forseable) trip to  Appalachia. This trip has had many ups and downs this year but over all I have loved my stay in Williamsberg, KY.

This place has a lot of meaning in what I would consider my life today and many philosophies that I follow have roots here in this place. Passion for life, appreciation for simplicity, love for family and friends, kindness, hope, and faith are all thinks that I truly see in the people every day I am down here.

I wasn't really sure what I would find this year in my trip to KY, but many of the lessons I have learned were reemphasized coming down here. The best part about this trip though was the people and learning more about the history and reasons the people are suppressed. This helped me really realize how big the gap between rich and poor truly is and how cruel and thoughtless people and companies can be. It's truly a sad thought and extremely overwhelming when  helping is all you want to do.

But how do we solve problems like inequality, social change, and lack of motivation? I don't know. The more I dig deeper into the worlds problems the more of a need I see for people to stand up and speak out. The funny part is, people already are! And it seems like little or no change occurs. As you can see this idea leads down a very dark and pessimistic view of humanity, one where I do not dare travel.

One thing that I have learned though in the last year is that the more educated you become about a topic the more you empower those around you to do something. To stand up, to fight against injustice, and make a difference in the world. To sit back and complain about the broken world that we live in does not help the problem. Rather if you believe in something or change needs to occur, quite complaining and do something about it!

I plan to, do you?

One year from now

The American dream: To get married, get a good job, and raise a family in the land of opportunity. So what do you do if that isn't desirable to you? For me it wasn't so much "desirable" as "not the right time" and because of that I am at a loss what to do after college. All of my friends know what they want to do after college. Some have jobs, some are volunteering, most are getting married, and I have yet to make any commitment.

In my search of what I should do after college I have been turned down twice by an employer and a volunteer agency because "I don't know what I want to do." Apparently I can't make a god enough argument to them (or to myself) on why I should commit to them. So what do you do if you have no plans after college and absolutely no idea what you want to do? If you have no starting point but rather a dream that you cannot figure out how to make a reality?

So whats my dream? I don't know... THATS the kicker. Recently I have been watching/researching/reading about the inequality in our world. Being from a small town in Iowa none of this stuff ever really occured to me. The biggest "poverty" I saw were people who made bad life choices and addiction seems to be their best friend. Only recently in  my last few years of college have I learned of the major inequality in our world which by all means is unacceptable.

To me (as much as I hate to admit it.. maybe that will be another blog post) technology creates a tipping point or way that we can speak out globally for the first time in the history of humanity. We can come together as a global nation and fight the unacceptable acts that are in our world. Technology can create publicity for causes, create medical diagnosis tools, educational tools, renewable resources, and a higher quality of living for the human race. Technology is key to overthrow government suppression, abusive leaders, and illiteracy. This is the cause I want to follow.

I don't really know what my dream about all of this is though, because there IS a tipping point where technology becomes useless, in a quality of living sense. That's where I struggle. How to I push forward the very thing that is taking over our world? I suppose that's a question I should ask later.

So where does that put me? I have no idea. I suppose I continue to apply to places and pray that one thing leads to another. I know dreams don't happen overnight and I think that's something I just need to accept. I don't know where I will be one year from now, but I hope it is in pursue of this dream.

Today I had a realization. My life.Yes that seems like an odd realization but as the old saying goes "Life is bigger than you and me."

I went to a session about the Peace Corps today. I have learned a lot in the last 5 years about life and what I want someday, but I have never truly looked at my life past August 2012. Yes, I have applied to a few volunteer organizations and yes I do one day want to get married... but what if that isn't the life expected of me? I am at a point in my life where fate and God truly become apparent in my decisions. I sat there listening to the man talking about the Peace Corps and thought to my self, "this is no longer a dream, but very much a reality." And now I am faced with the classic question that everyone reaches sooner or later, "do I follow my dreams?"

Many don't even have this choice. Fate has a funny way of deciding it for us sometimes. Some peoples lives are determined by a love, a child, physical handicaps, lack of a skill set, or just the fact that life takes hold and dreams seem too far away.. For me, I have been given a gift, a choice, to decide my future and what I want to do with my life. I don't have a love, a baby, a job after graduation, or anything holding me back.

It's easy to say "if I could go back and do it all over again I would have definitely followed my dreams" but what if you were truly given that opportunity, would you give up the life God gifted you for a chance to follow your dreams?

I was talking with my sister the other day about how easy it would be to find a good paying job (~$50,000), get an apartment, train for triathlons, drink, be marry, and settle in for the hopes that one day I meet someone to share the rest of my life with. Most would love to have that opportunity... I know I would. That's why following your dreams can seem so difficult, because there is so much uncertainty.

Why would my dreams take me out of Iowa? The simplest answer (though a long one) is the fact that the world  is filled with inequality and I can't sit back and just watch. Do you ever stress over problems of the world-- Why are people so greedy? Why do people step on others? How can someone rule a government in the luxuries of a multi-million dollar home, and yet have their people dying daily of starvation?-- I do. Sometimes the poor just need someone to stand up for them and help them, selflessly. Not with alternative motives, but with the love in their hearts that they are doing the right thing for another soul.

I am so lost right now all I can do is pray about it. Uncertainty is the thing I hate most in life, and yet it is the thing I cherish the most. I am organized and try to always be one step ahead and uncertainty states this is not possible. But without uncertainty, random acts of awesomeness would not occur and life would not be as dynamic, for this I love it.

No matter what is ahead of me though, one thing I am sure of: Uncertainty. And that scares me.

.

In short,
One of the bigger role models of my life has been a pastor that I have become to know as a good friend over the last 5 years. Fr. Ev was diagnosed with pancreatic cancer in April of 2011 and was given only a few months to live. It has been nearly 11 months since diagnosis and God has kept Fr. Ev with us. Fr. Ev has inspired me in many ways and I will never forget what he has taught me about God and life in general. The video below is of a project that I have been continually working on for the last 10 months. If anyone would like to add to this project, just email me the photos!